Invaders of Wal Mart!
by Dib's Stalker
Summary: Self insertion, slashyness. Zim, Dib and Remy go to Wal-Mart! Insanity ensues. Review, as I have no more chapters to put up and I need encouragement! XD Right now: More slash and why you shouldn't give Remee sugar!
1. Arrival of DOOM!

**Invaders of Wal-Mart!**  
by Dib's Stalker  
http://www.holly-cat.com/

Author's Note: THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE!!! *cackles*

Random Person: They? Who's they?

SHUT UP!!! *throws a toaster at the person* Anyways, I came up with this idea a longgg time ago but I haven't gotten up off my lazy arse to write it until now. This is a multiple chapter story and there will be slash (ZADR) later. Just warnin' ya. The next chapter will be up when I feel like it. And I am Remy, but that's not my real name (Why couldn't I have a cool name like that?!) and I don't look like that (yet) or own a convertible (yet). So there!

(Originally published on 09/30/02 at holly-cat.com)

= = = = = =

Dib looked at the person beside him nervously as a Linkin Park song blared loudly. They were on their way to Wal-Mart in a green convertible (top down), complete with blue flames painted on the front, fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror and little bobbling head cats, dogs and even a pig on the dash. In the backseat, Zim also looked uncomfortable as it seemed they were going at over one hundred miles per hour. He couldn't even feel his face. He was envied Dib who got to set in the front seat.  
  
Zim leaned over so the chair in front of him would shield the wind some. The driver sang along to Crawling rather loudly. Dib finally spoke up, although he had to shout pretty loud. "Don't you think we're going too fast?"  
  
The girl looked over at him with her sparkling green eyes, light reflecting off her silver glasses, as she paused from her singing for a nano second as she quickly blurted out "Nah, we're almost there anyway." so she could continue singing. They pulled into a parking lot and found a parking space that was really close to the store (don'tcha love it when you're lucky enough to get one of those?).  
  
Zim got out as soon as the engine stopped, licking his chapped lips. Dib got out afterwards while the girl took off the CD player faceplate and hid in underneath the passenger's seat, then she got out. She had orange hair with black highlights which looked kind of freaky with her green eyes, she wore a pair of black boots, black baggy pants and a black hug tee that said "LINKIN PARK OWNS YOU!!!" on the front in white letters.  
  
She looked up at the large sign which said 'Wal-Mart' and grinned. "We're here, boys!"  
  
= = = = = =  
  
Zim ran ahead of the other two, looking back at them. Not noticing what was in front of him, he smacked into the door. Ruby eyes looked up at it. "Filthy door! Open! OPEN FOR ZIM!!!" As soon as he said that, the glass doors swung back to allow him inside. Zim gaped.  
  
"The doors! THE DOORS KNOW THEIR TRUE MASTER!!!" He walked through, the doors closed. He walked back to the doors and they opened, he walked through again grinning insanely. Dib stopped walking and raised an eyebrow at Zim, who squeaked at him "These doors obey my command!"  
  
Dib shook his head and continued walking, the doors opened when he got there and Zim scowled at them. "How dare you betray your master, the mighty ZIM!!!" He kicked the door violently, then widened his eyes and held his foot, letting out a cry. He hopped inside with the girl following him, shaking her head and not saying anything.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
"NO! It's mine!" Zim screamed as pushed Dib off the motorized wheelchair and sat in the seat. "But I want it!" Dib shouted. It was the only one there. They both continued to fight, Dib managing to gain back the seat. Zim got fed up. "Well, if you won't move... !" He glared, then took a seat on Dib's lap. Dib flushed instantly and didn't move or say anything for a second. He then picked Zim up, who's eyes widen and he squirmed in Dib's grasp. Dib got up and sat Zim on the seat, walking away. The Irken blinked.  
  
Suddenly the girl caught up with him (let's just say she thought she saw Mike Shinoda in the parking lot. *sweatdrop*) and saw the wheelchair. "RIDE!" she squeaked, then jumped in the basket on the front and surprising Zim. Just then, a Wal-Mart employee came over.  
  
"Uhm... excuse me, but that is reserved for our elderly customers." Zim and the Linkin Park obsessed girl scowled and got up, walking off. "It's your fault, Remee!" Remy hit Zim on the head, "Was not!", and walked off.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
Ending Note: Yes, the name is Remy (REM-my), but that's the fancy way of pronouncing it. I prefer to say Remee (Re-me).


	2. The Evilness of Polka!

**Invaders of Wal-Mart!**  
by Dib's Stalker  
http://www.holly-cat.com/

Author's Note: Chapter two, written at five in the morning! YES! Enjoy the spookyness!

(Originally published on 10/01/02 at holly-cat.com)

= = = = = =

"Ohhh, candy!" Remy exclaimed, picking up a Crunch bar from the candy rack. Dib's eyes widened, instantly grabbing the sugary snack away from her. "No sugar! I still remember what happened last time you ate a candy bar..." He shuddered at the thought of this.  
  
Remee looked at him with big, green eyes which were half hidden behind silver colored glasses, "But Dibbyyy..." she pleaded. Dib looked at her, she was giving him puppy dog eyes now. He whimpered, and when he was just about to give in, Zim walked over and snatched the chocolate bar away from him. "No sugar! You scare me when you're on that stuff!"  
  
Dib blinked and looked at Zim. "I know she's freaky but... a girl scares the mighty Zim?! Ohhh, I thought space boy wasn't afraid of anything!" Zim glared at him. "Silence, stinkbeast!" The glare was returned by amber eyes. "You can't make me shut up!"  
  
"Oh yeah?!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"I could if I wanted to!"  
  
"Well then bring it, alien scum!"  
  
Zim pounced on Dib and they started throwing punches at each other. Remy blinked at them before sighing and grabbing them by the collars of their shirts. "They fight like two five year olds..." she commented, before dragging the two who seemed oblivious to their surroundings down the main aisle of Wal-Mart.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
Remy had stopped in one of the regular aisles and was typing all of the calculators to say hello upside down (01134), ignoring the fight between her two friends. They eventually stopped, Dib's trenchcoat was half hanging off and both of them had their hair messed up.  
  
Remee laughed at the two, "You look like you were making out!" Both stared at her in disbelief, the area under their eyes a mix of pink and red. She giggled immaturely. "C'mon, let's go to the toys section." she said before walking off. Both boys looked at each other, before racing after her.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
Zim and Dib had fixed their hair by the time they got to the toys section. Remy was currently looking through different figures before she gasped. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! THEY HAVE IT, THEY HAVE IT!!!" she squeaked excitedly. Zim blinked and Dib raised an eyebrow.  
  
She turned at them, holding up a Yu-Gi-Oh! figure while bouncing up and down. "They have Joey! FWEE! I've been looking for this forever!" She hugged the figure protectively, as if she was holding a million dollars. Both boys, rather afraid at this point, inched away from her. They then promptly dashed to Electronics.  
  
"Hey, wait for me!" she yelled and ran after them with the figure still in her arms.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
The two boys looked in the video game section while Remy went into the CD aisle, picking up several copies of Linkin Park's CDs then going to the front of the electronics section. She looked around to make sure no employees were watching, then put the CDs in the number one slots (you know, they have the top selling albums?), covering up Slutney Queer's newest album, "I'm A Slut 4 U"  
  
Remee stepped back and admired her work, smiling crazily before somebody tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around to see the Wal-Mart employee that had told them to get off the wheelchair in the front of the store.  
  
"Uhm... please don't do that." Remy stood there for a second, before she burst into tears. "Why won't everybody leave me alone?!" She ran out into the section with the radios and CD players, Zim and Dib were there with evil grins on their faces.  
  
"Whatcha' doin'?" she squeaked at them. Startled, thinking it was an employee, they looked over. "Oh, it's just you..." Dib said. "What do you mean by that?!" she snapped loudly, but Zim cut her off. "We're putting the radios on polka stations, turning them off and then putting the volume to maximum. Now silence or the stinkbeasts will find us!"  
  
Remy blinked, then grinned. "Let me help!" They continued and eventually set all of the radios to have the desired effect. They went and hid in the next aisle, peering over and waiting for their victim. Soon enough, a lady came over and started looking at the CD players. She turned one of them on to test the sound. Polka blasted and she fell over, almost having a heart attack.  
  
The trio burst into a fit of laughter, but they didn't notice the lady was now hovering over them with an angry look on her face. Dib opened one eye and ceased his laughter. "Uh... guys." They all looked up and stopped. Immediately, they began whistling innocently, walking out of the electronics section like nothing happened.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
Ending Note: On a totally unrelated note... CHEESE! 


	3. I am Batman!

**Invaders of Wal-Mart!**  
by Dib's Stalker  
http://www.holly-cat.com/

Author's Note: More slashy goodness in this chapter. Enjoy. n.n

(Originally published on 10/06/02 at holly-cat.com)

= = = = = =

Remy ran down one of the aisles with a blanket tied around her neck like a cape. She had gotten a hold of a candy bar (oh sweet Tallest, get me away from her!!!) and was now overly hyper. Uh oh. She suddenly jumped on some unsuspecting customer's cart, riding it into the main aisle as Zim and Dib followed, trying to keep up.  
  
"I'm BATMAN! Come Robin, to the batcave!!" she screamed, causing various people to stare at her. She cracked a smile at them before hitting a display of pillows and falling on them. Then, somebody came on the loud speaker. "Price check on aisle three..."  
  
Remee slid off the pillows and once she heard the announcement, curled up on the floor in the fetal position. "It's those voices again!!!" she said loudly, causing even more looks (everybody was looking at her by now), and Zim and Dib started inching away, pretending they didn't know her.  
  
They ran.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
The two boys now ended up in the auto section, and Dib was holding two funnels up to his chest. "Hey big boy, wanna have some fun?" he said in the best sexy, womanly voice he could muster. Zim broke into a fit of laughter, "You look like that inferior Madonna-human!"  
  
Dib frowned. "No, I really meant it. Wanna make out?" Zim ceased his laughter, choking. Was Dib really serious? Could it be that he really liked him?? Was this his big chance?!?!  
  
Just then he heard Dib's laughter. "I'm just joking." he said, setting down the funnels and slapping Zim on the back. He blushed, not to much notice from the human. They walked out of the auto department, checking to see if Remy's sugar rush ended yet.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
The sugar high teenager was walking in the jewelry section of the store, glancing at everything. Finally, she stated loudly enough for everyone to heard, "Who BUYS this crap anyway?!" This gained her several looks and she grinned sheepishly.  
  
She walked through the girls clothes, repeating "Who BUYS this crap anyway?!" loudly. She then looked up and saw McDonalds, and there was a bench with Ronald McDonald statue on it!  
  
= = = = = =  
  
"She has to be here..." Dib said, he and Zim arriving at the McDonalds part of Wal-Mart. They looked for Remee everywhere else but there. If she wasn't there, only hell knew where else she could be. There was suddenly a loud squeal and the two boys looked over, Remy running up to them.  
  
"I'M PREGNANT WITH RONALD MCDONALD'S CHILD!!!" she screamed. "... But he's cheating on me. Will you be the father of my child?" she asked, looking towards Dib. Zim and Dib stared, then rose an eyebrow. "Okay, no more sugar for you, stinkbeast!" Zim said, grabbing Remee and dragging her off.  
  
= = = = = =  
  
Ending Note: Ronald McDonald is CHEATING on me?! *gasps* ... STUPID MONKEY!!! *starts hitting the statue with her backpack*


End file.
